Not You Too! - When Loved Ones Disappoint You.

So I’ve come to this heart breaking conclusion, “people will disappoint you”. I don’t care who they are, folk will let you down. I know you must be thinking to yourself right now, “Ah ah kani it took you this long to come to this public knowledge, and here we are thinking you were smart”. Well you have to forgive me, I’m a chronic optimist, and after God, the next thing I believe in most is people. I am a people’s person, I love to make people happy (would have loved to be a comedian, but I’m too serious). One of the greatest joys of my life is to watch the light come on in people’s eyes, to watch a person transform, to unearth an otherwise unknown potential in them to the amazement of both the person involved and those who observe.  

I guess I have this inclination because I am a product of human love and attention. I lost my dad at an early age, but I had this group of people, not much older than myself, who invested in me. They were there to; teach me, guide me, fight for me, love me and although no one could ever replace my father, like hell those young lads tried. I may not be able to mention them by name here, but I will always think the world of them. Unfortunately, all their dotting did not prepare me for the reality of life, which is that ‘folk disappoint’.

Later in time, I came to experience some of the biggest heartbreaks that you can imagine, and they came from quarters you won’t believe. I have been disappointed by father figures, friends, colleagues, brethren, my favourite TV stars, you name it…. I figure that I did learn early enough that people will disappoint you, but what I didn’t know was that it was those closest to you that hurt you the most. Salt rubbed into an open wound or pricks from a thousand niddles holds no light to the hurt from a loved one.

Recently I’ve experienced a succession of pain from people close to me, and it hasn’t felt good at all, but like most things about me, I have come to learn some valuable lessons and the truth about ‘hurt from close quarters’.  I’ll share this with you in the next post, but first let me tell you this:
·         People don’t hurt you because they are bad. I know that the people that hurt me still love me, and they are still amazing people, they just did something that happened to offend me (it doesn’t even mean they were wrong).

  I have hurt as much people, if not more, as I believe hurt me. I realised that most times I get hurt, the person who hurt me also gets hurt, and if you ask them, they will say I hurt them too, if not first.

·         I get hurt only because I have loved the person, and if I have loved the person, then there must be some good that I saw in the person that, made me love them in the first place. If we think about it, the hurt comes nowhere near to the love you have for them, but unfortunately we tend to give more attention to the hurt than the love. There are always exceptions to every rule, and there are people that are just not worth writing about, those ones that never really love you, those ones that worm there way into your life looking only for what to gain, they use you and then dump you and behave like they never knew you. I’m not talking about those scums.

I will always believe in people, because people are ultimately beautiful and loving, you just need to dig deep enough, hold on long enough and believe it always. It will always hurt, you will fight with letting go, but getting hurt is part of the process of human interaction and that thing called ‘life’. Lastly, it most likely is your fault that you got hurt, and I will tell you why in a bit. 

image courtesy of rakratchada torsap at 

Kanayo Aniegboka

Kani is a Nigerian born and based minister, public speaker, entrepreneur and life coach. His keen and unique perspective to life issues makes him a refreshing voice to listen to. He currently serves as the Executive Coordinator of House on the Rock - Word House and sits on the board of a number of companies.

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