Where is my Joy?


"When you rise in the morning, give thanks for the light, for your life, for your strength. Give thanks for your food and for the joy of living. if you see no reason to give thanks, the fault lies in yourself." 
Tecumseh

I am going to be a little philosophical today I think. Not in the academic sense but my usual contemplation of everyday life. I was partially seeing a movie as I got ready for work this morning (bad habit). It was about a young couple who initially were very happy. Their relationship was a tale for romantic writers and their young love, the dream of every couple. The story suddenly took a drastic twist
soon after they gave birth to a bouncing baby who unfortunately was born ill, and as the terminal illness progressed, their relationship degenerated, until the baby died. From then on, everything went downhill for the two love birds. They stopped talking, stopped relating, fought often and eventually split up and quit the relationship.  It struck me as sad that a couple who had everything going for them, who had love that could warm winter and cover mountains, were done in by the death of their baby. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s a heart breaking, mind numbing experience, but I asked why their larger than life love could not push past the pain. Why did they succumb to a relationship suicide? A relationship that preceded the coming of the baby, even gave rise to the birth of the baby. Why didn’t they just go back to their life before the baby? 


This is a common occurrence in our everyday lives. We commit all kinds of relationship suicides/murders because of loses we experience in our lives. Families break up over the loss of a child or job, friendships break down because a business deal went south… like the irony of our African woe, we bury the living with the dead.

The two things I think responsible for it are:   

1: our lives are made up of interwoven tapestry of our experiences. The newer experiences seem to have a stronger hold on us than the old. As we mix in our new experiences into our lives, they become part of an already existing feeling, so even though they don’t start the feeling of joy and well being, they sustain it.

2: We project our joy. We have this erroneous belief that our joy is in external subjects/ objects, so when we lose them, we automatically lose our joy.

The truth is that our joy is our patent right but when we project it onto any specific thing, person or activity that gives us joy, then we begin to believe that those things are the source of our joy.

So what do I do?

1: Understand that the value of a thing to you is based on how much worth you impose on the thing. If that is the case, you are therefore responsible for your joy, not the subject/object in your life.

2: Learn not to take the abstract variables of your life (friendship, peace, comfort …) for granted. Learn to prioritize correctly, so you don’t substitute the important for the less important material (car, house, deals…).

3: Always have a holistic or total picture of your life so you can see whatever you lose in your life in relation to all the other things that are still remaining in your life. When you do this, it'll reduce the bite of what you have lost.

4: Most lost things can be replaced. Those that can’t can be substituted. Those that can’t, are lived without, but live, you have to and joyfully too.  

5: You are your most valuable asset, give priority to You; more on that in the post – Remember To Love Me


"First Image courtesy of  Idea go / FreeDigitalPhotos.net"

Kanayo Aniegboka

Kani is a writer, entrepreneur, blogger, public speaker and an all-round knowledge junkie who likes to view life from different angles.

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