The Rapist



She stumbles blindly down the empty hall, her eyes swollen shut from the several fists swung across face. Hot scalding tears cascade down her face as she lamely tries to fend off the revolting closeness.  “Not so close” her mind screams, as it struggles to chisel intelligent comprehension through the web of dissociation that was trying to drag her into a free falling darkness where she would feel nothing. "It would feel good to feel nothing" she thinks. "Maybe I should let go".


She can still feel his hot hungry breath on her neck. It smelled like something crawled inside him and died, garlic and alcohol mixed with whatever he had been smoking. Her skin crawls as if someone

just poured a bucket of tiny ants all over her. She wants to scrub herself till her skin peels off. But this feeling is not just skin deep. She slows to a limp to catch her breath, her entire body throbs with pain only equalled by the ache she feels in her heart, “What just happened?” She lets out a groan she did not recognise, it sounded like something from a fright night movie series, it came from way deep inside her, as if it had been travelling for a while before she felt it in her stomach and then picked up speed to escape from her lips like a bird out of a cage. It was blood curdling.  The searing pain between her legs stops her in her tracks. She slumps and it all comes rushing back. Rolling before her like a cinema picture. His rough hands grabbing at her body parts like a drowning man, hitting her over and over. His scratchy voice slurred by alcohol, threatening to kill her if she made another sound. She couldn’t anyway. Her voice was hoarse and the slightest whimper brought excruciating pain but not as much as when he slammed her on the ground, holding her down with one hand and tearing off her underwear with the other. Then there was a pain that pierced deeper than flesh, deeper than bone and marrow. It was a piercing of the soul.

How can she live with this?  It’s not possible! Her life is over, she is ready to die, No, she’s already dead. With those thoughts rushing into her mind like a wave crashing on a beach, she finally gives in to the darkness that has been calling. She falls, and falls, and falls, and falls. She sees the floor, the painting of Holy Mary on the wall, then the pale sky through the window at the end of the hall and all goes peacefully black.

Rape is arguably the worst experience a person can go through. I would have your consent to say that any man that rapes a woman is an animal and I will prove it. There are not more than a dozen qualities and attributes that make a human being different from an animal. Among them are; free will and choice. The only thing that is different from love making and rape is free will. When two people respect each other’s choice to indulge or not to indulge in any activity, it makes us human. Because only animals take what they want from another animal without the consent of the other animal, it is called prey versus predator. The ability to desire intimacy from another and yet withhold from indulging because the partner is not interested is the rational ability given only to man. Every wild beast takes what they want as long as they are stronger, whether it is food or intimacy. A lion would not take the permission of a zebra to kill it for lunch. So we agree that any man that would force himself on another without the consent of the person is an animal.

And i think it goes a little further than that. You see, the abuse the victim of a rape feels comes from the fact they were denied the ability to exercise their God given right to chose what they wanted. That their humanness was stolen, and they have been animalized. Deprived of the ability to exercise free will and choice, we feel no better than the ant we crush under our heels.

My exposition is therefore that any experience that will cause a person to feel deprived of free will is a rape, and any action you take that involves taking whatever you want from another person without the agreement of the other party because you are in a position of strength, makes you a rapist. Whether it is sexual or not, the forceful extraction of pleasure from an individual by another without consent is rape. It is an exercise on impulse by instinct and is no better than a cow or a dog without training.

Who then is a rapist? It is no longer just the bad breathed hoodlum lurking in the shadows. It is now the boss who would not pay salaries because he wants the money to yield interest in the bank. It is the government official who spends the money for the road project on a trip to Dubai instead of fixing the roads. It is the thief who snatches someone’s phone at the street corner. It is the wife who denies her husband sex because she wants him to squirm. It is the police who is paid to frame an innocent man for robbery. It is the colleague in your office who sets you up to take the fall for a mistake he made. It could very easily be you and I.

Kanayo Aniegboka

Kani is a writer, entrepreneur, blogger, public speaker and an all-round knowledge junkie who likes to view life from different angles.

6 comments:

  1. It's the friend who takes your love for granted!

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  2. I don't think that applies Paddy. Btw, that's the fakest fake name i've ever seen.

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  3. Wow! Now I really know who a rapist is for real. Nice one pastor kani

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  4. I was raped as a young girl. The experience is more horrid than anyone can comprehend. It's effect is beyond explanation. Till today, when i'm with my husband, i still hear my rapist's breathing, his incest-ridden odour, his grunt. I panic everytime i see candles... He still rapes me everyday... No one deserves to be raped. No one.

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    1. I'm so sorry to read about your horrible experience, I know that some experiences can never be fully grasped by others, no matter how well we paint the picture. You must have realized by now that living with the memory of the experience can be more damaging than the action itself. You have to refuse for this guy to hurt you anymore, or ruin your life and home. You have to believe you can take your life back from him. Tell yourself everyday ( out loud) that he can't hurt you anymore, laugh out loud every time you remember the experience of his horrid breathing. It may not be easy at first, but soon, the way you respond to it ( by laughing and telling yourself he can't hurt you anymore) will begin to water down the bad feeling until it is gone. I wish you well, and a happy life.

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    2. Dear Anonymous, the horror of rape can not be fully imagined. Only someone who has experienced it knows the shame, the humiliation, the powerlessness and the fear. You relive it over and over in your mind. You are constantly afraid, afraid of it happening again. Afraid that you would ever be whole again. And worse, if you know the aggressor, afraid of running into him somewhere. I agree with Kani's steps to recovery, and I'd to add one more: refuse to be a victim anymore. Take back your life and your power. How? Choose to. Choose to forgive the aggressor. Nothing sets free like the power of forgiveness. Choose not to dwell on the memories. When they come anyway, speak out against them. Tell the fear you are no longer his prisoner but have chosen liberty. If you are a Christian, find portions of scripture that promise you victory and speak them, out loud. Why? Because your ears need to hear you. Your heart will believe what you say, and because God will always back His Word, you will have what you say. And finally, don't stop on your journey. Some days will be bad, but take it from someone who's been there, you can be free... rooting for you...

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